"I sit there and I look back and I'm like, 'I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?"
Britney Spears' life has been filled with speculation and scrutiny over the last few years. In "For the Record," a documentary that aired on MTV on Sunday night, the pop singer finally opened up about her life in the spotlight.
"I have good days and I have bad days," she said in the special.
"Sometimes it's too much."
In the special, Spears talked about being a mom, her public breakdown and her breakups with Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline. "For the Record" also provided a behind-the-scenes look at her return to the pop scene as she worked on promotion for her album Circus, which included video shoots for "Womanizer" and the title track.
Explaining her breakdown, Spears said that she had let the wrong people into her life. "[It was] a really bad time in my life. ... I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and say I was OK," she admitted. "Maybe I had traumatic stress. I just remember I did not want to be at home. When I was in my car, I was driving and I was going somewhere."
Despite the hard times, the singer said she tries not to let them get her down. "Normal is different for everybody," she said, later adding, "It could be a lot worse. There are people out there who have it a lot worse than I do."
She also admitted that even though her life seems hectic, what with constantly being surrounded by assistants, handlers and the paparazzi, "I choose to be a happy person. If I have a bad day, I get angry with myself."
Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, and her longtime manager, Larry Rudolph, were also featured in the documentary, as well the pop singer's mentor, Madonna. "I admire her as an artist," the Material Girl said, adding that she sees a lot of herself in the young singer.
But Spears isn't just a pop star, she's also a mother to her two sons. And they are the people in her life that help her hold onto her faith.
"I see my babies and say ... you have to believe in God," she said.
"How can these two babies be here without there being a God?"
At the end of the documentary, she said she hopes people understand that she's just like anybody else. "I love what I do. I love my babies," she said. "And I work really hard." She added, "It's weird. You can see the cruelest part of the world but then on the other side you see the most beautiful part; is like you go from one extreme to the next and their both worth it cause you couldn’t see one without the other. But the cruel part is dam cruel and you never forget it, But that heaven is heaven ... so it's like I've been to both places."
In order to stay on that beautiful side, Spears said she's avoiding the people and things that hurt her:
"Now I try to avoid situations from the past that may threaten me. ... I go through life like a Karate Kid."
If you didn't have the chance to see the documentary or if you want to watch it all over again, here's the link for MTV's website (HQ videos):
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/322847/britney-for-the-record-final-countdown.jhtml#id=1600472
