It’s been seven months already since we broke up last time; during this time I’ve had my up and downs, my good and bad moments, joy and sorrow. During this time I learned how to get by, how to live without you by my side, I started to dedicate more time for me and for all of those that have been walking by my side in every step that I’ve taken.
It was like when you move to another town, city, district or country; leaving old habits behind, letting some people go, get in touch with those that I left aside cause I was too busy trying to please someone that never saw who I really was, all that I did for you, everything that I’d given up for us to be together so we could be happy. Getting to know new people, new jobs, I started a diet and lost some weight, I´m smoking less than I did back then, I’ve been trying to smile more and cry less. I love you like I never loved anyone before but you’ve hurt me like no one else has, my love to you turned out to be my own graved and the worst part of it is that I helped you dig the hole and gave you the shovel to bury me.
It’s been so long since you poisoned me with the taste of your kisses, carved my skin with your caress, paralyzed my body with your sweat and made me hallucinate with the smell of your skin. I’ve been licking my wounds but your venom seems deeper. Now I wander around among the crowed looking for something to make me unravel the spider webs of my heart, cause since I don’t have you I feel like a part of me died or was taken from me the day that you left me last time; and what do you do when you know something is bad for you but you still can’t let go?
I was so naive all those times when you said that you loved me and then a few weeks later you were not sure about your feeling to me. Then you came back saying that I was the only one you loved, I was the only person that could understand you, support you, believe in you, the only one that made you complete cause without me nothing was the same again and that you tried to forget about me by being with other people though I was always on your mind. I believed in your lies many times cause your love was like candy… artificially sweat.
I was deceived by the wrapping, I was pray in your bed and you devoured me completely.
I hate to show that I’ve lost control because I keep coming back to the one thing that I need to get away from.
This, as always is my way to express you how I’m feeling, I should’ve known that I was used for amusement and that you simple couldn’t fake it anymore. I’m addicted to your allure and addicted to the way you used to look at me, the way you kissed me, hold me, talked to me, addicted to the way the you used to make love to me and satisfy all my needs, how tender you were and how we cuddle in bed together till we fell to sleep. I’m feigning for a cure that make me get you out of my head and heart.
There are many times in our lives when we want something so bad and it feels so right at the time; than when it comes the time to realize that it was all an illusion it’s hard to understand how can someone that promised you all the stars and the sky above is now pushing you away. I still crying over you every now and then, you keep coming back every once in awhile in my life just when I'm getting my strength back, when I’m smiling again, when my tears have dried and I’m beginning to have my inner peace.
The other day I saw you; I kept dancing and having a good time with my best friend. I pretended like nothing happened but I was devastated, I wanted to kiss you and just hold you in my arms like we use to.
Tears might fall from my eyes every time that I listen to a song that reminds me of you, when the night comes and I feel lonely and when I remember all the plans we made together; but I’m strong and I'm moving on, I’ve decided to close my heart to you and everyone else for that matter, it has been locked and the only one that holds that key now is me, I won’t open it till the day that I’ll get over you.
JP Marín B.
