Love Is A Garden

Lately there has been a ghost hunting my calm and peace of mind and I have to fight it the only way I know how; and that’s embodying those feelings in writing so I can watch them go away …

I think that love is just like a garden and if you want to see it grow you have to take good care of it and that was something that we forgot to do along the way; we took so many breaks thinking that taking some time apart was a good thing; what a mistake! When all we needed to do was making some room for me and you. We were just children playing hide and seek and I thought that with a good portion of kisses, hugs, laughs, whispers, secrets, passion and tenderness we could watch together our little garden grow and lay on it for the rest of our lives.

All I wanted was to spend all the time that I had with you, just have you next to me, wake-up every morning with those eyes that told me so many times that they loved me but all I could see at the end was desperation and insecurity, go to sleep every night cuddle up in bed and with a kiss of good night but at the end it was as if you were a thousand miles away because you were so cold and distant. All I need from you was to give me some room in your room, but instead of that we didn’t spend that much time together and the moments that we had were always to argue and fuss about small stupid things that we didn´t know how to handle. We strayed for a minute, which was enough time to destroy everything we build together and just watched it fade away before we could do anything to fix it and we just killed it completely.

I walked around my bedroom and its funny how all those little things remind me of you and I have this hole in my chest and I guess that you got to know me pretty well to know all the rest. I spend my nights trying to get over you but I guess that is just going to take some time to getting use to, because love is just like a garden and is build kiss by kiss and so it has to be undone. All you could give me was those sad eyes and the unsaid words. When I met you I made you promise me not to tear my heart away because it was hurt and broken before, I knew that love was never going to be sweet as it is on dreams and my heart was still fragile but I still gave it a shot; but it was just like playing roulette. I guess that I can’t get over the fact that I loved you like no-one else before but you hurt me like no-one else have after promising me the sky and all the stars above; happily ever after never seemed so closed back then and now is just frozen in the land of “Far, Far Away”.

I think that all of this is my fault because since I was a kid I’ve always been in love of love and I mesmerized the perfect relationship, the perfect match, my better half and my true north, so I tend to give it all away as it was meant to be and meant to go against all odds. I had to carve my skin with my own nails and bare the pain so I couldn’t listen to the sound of my heart aching.

But you always seem to have a way to find me among the crowd, followed me in all kinds of landscapes, be in every beat of my music, be scented on my skin and hide behind mirrors. I still can´t stop thinking in your mouth and I still crave your body.

This is my minute of weakness and maybe my pain is too painful and I don’t have the courage to let go yet; but I always find my way back to the road that I am suppose to go and my silver lining will come someday and when that day finally comes I know that all of this emptiness and suffering will compensate to understand new things and I will grow stronger and wiser.

Love will find its way; love will find me at last.

JPablo Marín B.