Lost...

I thought that I had finally found what everyone is looking for but only a few people manage to achieve… the one person in the whole wide world that I was born to love forever, my soul mate, my compass and my true north.

The sad part is that we are no longer together and that you found another path to follow, a separate one from mine. They say that if you really love someone you have to let them go and that if they return is because you were meant to be together.
I’ve been trying to live a life without you and try to move on, but I’ve been feeling lost, incomplete and numb just like a walking body without a soul and these restless thoughts of you are driving me insane because you are on my mind every passing minute of the day, there’s all of these empty spaces, since everywhere I go I see your face in everyone; the ghost of you hunts me down even in my dreams just like my own shadow.

Every time I think of you I get chills up and down my spine, your absence is like a cold and rainy winter. You whisper on my head like a cold breeze, I can still fell your touch raining all over my body in every inch of my skin, there’s a huge group of black clouds on my sky, I feel blue all the time and I’m falling apart just like leaves fall off the trees.
Everything is silent, dark and very cold. When you left all my dreams, illusions and desires for living were washed away with all the tears that I’ve cried.

I’m lonely, I’m sad, I’m lost without you!



JPablo Marin.


08/24/07

Illusion!

Love is just an illusion, is just a face; simply a state of mind.
Like they say … Nothing last forever! Love is not the exception, it’s so powerful that it blinds us out and don’t let us think straight and see the truth in things that are so obvious that even a blind person could see.

Why do we let it fool us and treat us like puppets?
It’s kind of like God; we can feel it, talk about it and even believe in it, but does it really exist?
Do we really need to go through all that drama or we just like the bitter/sweet taste that it leaves us every time?
Or maybe is just like beauty … It’s on the eye of the beholder!

Love is just a cruel joke that people like to hear very often and they always seem to be tricked by it again and again; you might think that it will be different next time or that there might be someone out there that will tell the joke differently and turn it into a fairy tale instead.
We all like the way it starts every time but in the end the results are always the same and you can’t change the equation because math doesn’t fail.
Love is just an illusion, is like day dreaming and you never want to wake up from it, but when the time finally comes you realize that you can’t live in a dream or in a fable and then you ask yourself: Was it worth it?

Love like fairy tales … and they live happily ever after … doesn’t exist in this cruel and harsh world!
It’s very simple; if you love, you’ll get hurt somehow. Every dream, every story, everything has an end. Is normal on the human nature to dream and believe in powerful and magical things that will make your life better or simpler, but the truth is that all this magic things are just a way to avoid reality.

I wish that I could run away from everything and heal the bruises that this big fat lie call love have left me, this illusion that lasted long enough to crumble my whole world, turn it upside down and screwed up my life.

I’m tired of this illusion and I cry every night in my bed because of it;
I wonder when am I going to wake up from this nightmare?

08/16/07

Tell me when?

It’s been awhile now,
Things are not same as they used to be. You left me without a good reason,
Was our love not strong enough to handle to bumps on the road?
I see your face everywhere, I can still hear your voice in the back of my head and my pillows still smell like you even though I washed ‘em a million times already.
Please tell me when am I going to get over you!
Please tell me what have you done to me!
Because no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep my mind off you, your sweet kisses and your tender words are my bane
Please tell me when am I going to stop crying over you!
When would my heart heal from this wound that you left me the day you walked out of my life? (Is so deep that you can see right through it.)
I gave you everything and more, I gave myself completely to you and now I have nothing left, you took all that there was of me; there are not even the pieces to pick up and try to start over.
Please tell me when will I understand that you are not in my life anymore!
Please tell me when will I wake up from this eternal nightmare!
When would these memories stop hunting my calm and destroying my peace of mind?
I love you more than I could've ever imagined, I can’t believe that I will never kiss your lips again, touch your skin or smell the scent of your body.
Please tell me when would I erase from my mind the way that you used to look at me!
Time goes by so slowly when you think about the past and you try to re-live all those moments and memories, every single minute that you spent with that special someone; because letting go ain't that easy and is better holding on to something your familiar with than trying to explore new horizons that might bring you pain again.
I guess that in simple words all that I want to ask you is …
When would I let you go???


JPablo Marin.
8/16/07

Dear Love,

It’s been so many rainy afternoons, so many chilly perfect moon nights, so many other beautiful mornings without waking up with your warm body next to mine.
My whole body misses you, my room feels so empty and big without you, my pillows still smell like you and my lips don’t ever want to kiss any other lips but yours.
I know I made a mistake but what’s wrong with loving someone so much that you don’t ever want to be any further than what you can or don’t want anybody to get close enough so they have a chance to see how lucky I was. My insecurity pushed you away but if I ever been certain about something is what I feel for you. Every single thing I do, see or hear ... it reminds me of you.
They say that time heals everything ... but I’m still waiting on it. Our love to me was like a candle because it lighted up my life, it kept me warm, it made me see things a bit clearly though it didn’t last long enough; I can’t believe that something that seemed so strong and perfect is now just a memory.
I don’t want to live in the past and I know that I have to move on (which I’m doing) but I really felt like I had found my best half and that my life was finally going to end up like a fairy tale but when reality hit me, the punch was strong enough to make me realize that tales are just that ... tales, and that the real world doesn’t stop spinning for you and life is harsh.
Now you want us to be friends and I agree with that but I'm not sure if I can do it because I know that besides being lovers we were friends as well, things have changed and circumstances are a lot different now. I will give it a try because I know that you’re special. I guess that despite everything I still hope that we’ll get back someday, cause you’re everything I always dreamed about.
I can’t tell what destiny have planned for us, but all I know is that you have left your prints all over me and you really got very deep into my soul and nothing can change what you mean to me, you’ll always be a big important part of my life and I thank God for putting you on my way, my heart still aches and it will be like this for quite awhile till the day I finally feel ok with my own self; till then every time I feel this pain that harms my body and poisons my soul I will regret not having you in my life as I wanted.

I will always love you,



JPablo Marin.
06/02/07

Scream!!!

Some people will say that I am very friendly and usually easy going but some others will say that I am very hard to deal with and that I'm a little stubborn and there's even a few group of people that'll say that I'm facist and arrogant. But the truth is that I am a very lucid person and is very easy to know the real me if you will only pay close attention to my eyes when I'm talking; sometimes is very frustrated when people get an idea of who you are if sometimes you are pretending to be someone else other than yourself just to please those that you care about and that you wish not to harm.
I love this painting because it really reflects a part of my personality that I usually don't show cause I like to be in control of my acts and I hate to let my feelings take control over me.
Munch shows in a very simple but deep way how that person in this painting was feeling at that particular moment; even though my situation is not exactly the same I can really relate to it cause sometimes all I want is to SCREAM and I feel trapped by an explosion only that mine doesn't come from a volcano but from my very own thoughts, feelings and this crowd that is talking to me all at the same time and I hear nothing but whispers, they all want something from me and I try to please them but I just can't cause there's too many of them asking for something different all at once.
I wish that they could just let me be and let me live my OWN Life on MY OWN WAY!!!


Here's a lil info about the painting: Scream (Skrik, 1893) is a seminal series of expressionist paintings by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch. It is said by some to symbolize the human species taken by an attack of existential angst, with the skyline inspired by the red twilights seen after the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa.[1] The landscape in the background is Oslofjord, viewed from the hill of Ekeberg. The Norwegian word skrik is usually translated as "scream", but is cognate with the English shriek. Occasionally, the painting has been called The Cry.


JPablo Marin.